For anyone who missed my previous posts explaining the purpose of this blog, you may want to start here:
http://fromyourinfluence.wordpress.com/2014/07/06/the-taste-of-iron-2/
But otherwise…
I’m Nate, and I drink too much.
There’s No Such Thing as a Dutch Coward.
Lyrics:
‘From the first sip, I know i’m in trouble.
I’m seeing the future, I think I’m seeing double,
I shouldn’t have started but now I can’t stop,
So don’t be shy now, Ill have the lot.
Yeah ill have another,
Ill stay for one more,
Hey where you going?
Can’t you see I need more?
No need for an occasion,
No cause to celebrate,
Forget where your supposed to be,
You can be late.
We meet again,
Hey everyone’s got their vices,
Yeah. Ill drink to that.
So raise your glass,
drop your jaw,
Keep it coming til we’re on the floor.
It’s already begun so we might as well finish,
You provide the fuel and ill make it vanish,
Drink to remember, Drink to forget.
It’s no fun when your sober, and we’re not started yet.
We meet again,
Hey everyone’s got their vices,
Yeah. Ill drink to that.
So raise your glass,
drop your jaw,
Keep it coming til we’re on the floor.
Over the top and past the limit,
Once an empty vessel but I’m trying to fill it.
Bottoms up, down the hat,
Til I’m bursting at the seams, but I wanted to detach.
We meet again,
Hey everyone’s got there vices,
Yeah. Ill drink to that.
So raise your glass,
and drop your jaw,
Keep it coming til we’re on the floor.
We meet again,
Hey everyone’s got their vices,
Yeah. Ill drink to that.
So raise your glass,
and drop your jaw,
Keep it coming til we’re on the floor.
Over the top and past the limit,
Once an empty vessel but I’m trying to fill it.’
I remember the first time I got drunk. Kind of. I can’t remember exactly how old I was, but I was definitely too young. I’d watched my peers drink themselves stupid for the past couple of years, and I’d never quite understood it. It was a sunny weekend afternoon at a friends birthday BBQ and there were plenty of drinks being passed around. I remember getting halfway through a glass of white lightning and I felt something. My vision was slightly blurred, I felt warm inside and I thought “Fuck it.” I downed the rest of it. The rest of my memory of that night is hazy. I remember wandering around, people were laughing, but I had their attention so I didn’t care. In my head I like to think it was like the infamous ‘Smack my bitch up’ video:
But in reality it was probably more like this:
My memory came back to me whilst throwing toilet roll over my rival school with some of my mates… and one of them asked me, “How was your first time Nate?”
“Bloody brilliant.” I replied whilst i lobbed the toilet roll over the arch of the entrance… yeah, take that Mount Grace High School.
I don’t have a dependency on alcohol, let’s make that clear. But when I drink, I usually drink far… far too much. It’s a bit of the English culture ingrained in me, it’s what we grew up doing, start as you mean to go on and all that jazz. You go out for one drink and seven hours later I’m hanging onto the bus hand rail for dear life, using all my concentration to not vomit. I’m your typical social binge drinker who doesn’t know when to stop once he’s started. This is the lyrical inspiration for the song.
Jim Jefferies is one of my favorite comedians, he reckons, “If you don’t drink, you’re boring and all your stories are shit. They end the same way; ‘and then we went home’.” There’s probably some truth in that, some of my best stories are from drunken moments of idiocy. Like the time I got dropped off outside my house, got out the wrong side of the taxi, inexplicably got lost and had to Google maps my way home. Or the time I woke up naked, but in my coat. I think we’re all guilty of overindulging sometimes, but the problem for me is it makes me manic. If I’m in a particular low mood for an extended period of time, I’ve been known to drink to induce mania, it’s a much better feeling than self loathing.
I am bipolar type 2. So I don’t actually experience full blown mania, but hypo-mania (hypo coming from Latin meaning under or below so literally ‘below mania’). It can be described as,
“a mood state characterized by persistent disinhibition and pervasive elevated (euphoric) or irritable mood, as well as thoughts and behaviors that are consistent with such a mood state. It is most often associated with the bipolar spectrum. Many who are in a hypomanic state are extremely energetic, talkative, and confident. They may have a flight of ideas and feel creative. Many people also experience signature hypersexuality. While hypomania often generates productivity and creativity, it can become troublesome if the subject engages in risky behaviors. It is generally less severe than full mania.”
Couple that with the effects of alcohol and said risky behaviour becomes much more likely. I’ve been punched more times than I remember because I can’t keep my mouth shut whilst drunk, most of the time i don’t think I deserved it, but I’m a victim of my own mischief. I’m going to discuss hypo-mania further in a later blog, as I have written songs that cover this more specifically. But I’d like to share a story with you to give some clarity,
I was out once with a couple of friends, we’d been out most of the night and subsequently we were in a bit of a state. I was king of the world, dancing my ass off and trying to converse with anyone who would listen, and I suddenly realized that I’d been left alone. I wandered outside to find my friends, whilst putting my plastic glass in my back pocket to sneak it past the bouncers. I saw one of my good friends conversing with a stranger, and it looked like it was a somewhat confrontational encounter. I approach the two and remember I had my a glass in my pocket containing red bull and some vodka. Now in a manic state, I think everything is funny. At this particular moment I thought it would be hilarious to chuck the glass of red bull over this guy and say, “Hope it gives you some wings so you can FUCK OFF”. I start laughing manically, and before I know it I’ve thrown my drink over this poor guy. My friends looked at me with dropped jaws, the guys mates look at me, and i’m laughing like a madman, if someone had of done that to me in that moment, i’d be directing a high five in their direction for their hilarious comedic genius. He didn’t see the funny side. Neither did his mates. On another note, my good friend ran off got lost on a motorway, picked up by a random stranger and dropped off at our flat before exclaiming “WHOOOOOOOOO I made it” and taking all his clothes off whilst he told me of his journey. Just another Tuesday evening.
I don’t mean to be confrontation, reckless and a bit of a plonker. I just think everything is a joke in that state of mind. To borrow from one of my hero’s:
It’s a very addictive feeling, You feel free from worries and self doubt, confident and creative, charismatic and excitable, and in those weeks that I am on an up, I can be very productive if I can stop myself from getting too high. There’s no consequence, you are in the moment and that’s all that matters. and But usually I do go too high and it usually ends in a moment of recklessness that leads to confrontation or something that I will beat myself up about later. Justifiably so, it could be argued.
It’s at this point where the album is going to take a turn to the dark side. My most prominent demons are open for discussion in the next couple of blog entries. It’s going to be very self indulgent (as always), and there may be some scenes that some viewers may find disturbing. But if you’re curious join me next time when Ill be discussing addiction, lust and insatiability, and the shame that comes with it.
Until then,
From your influence,
xxx
fromyourinfluence 